It’s a cloudy day. The rain comes and go just as how I feel inside. I listen to the drops hitting on my window, I feel the pain inside. The wind comes randomly strong and you can hear it pass. And I just wish it could take away these feelings, that it could take away these memories, that it could take away you. But the rain still there following the direction of the wind. You came and left a heavy bag of emotions. I’m the wind taking the rain from left to right, drying up or wetting the street.
I am the wind, I’m not going to let you take my wind again. You could bring all the pain, all the rain you want, but I am the wind. I decide what to do with this pain, I decide what to do with these emotions and where to take them. I cannot change the weather. I cannot change my feelings for you, but I can decide what to do with those feelings.
I am the wind. I am going to pour some coffee, put on a sweatshirt, sit on the balcony, let the pen bleed the words I couldn’t say… As I was writing this, some sunrays came through my window. It reminded me that even though there is sadness in the atmosphere, I am still shinning, I am still fighting. I see the rain drops on my window, I see the clouds, I see the hidden sunrays in the sky, I feel the wind pass by. I will not fall apart.
This year winter was different and extremely cold, that must have been a sign that you were coming by. Then when I first saw you I saw the person who took away my sun, my wind, my smiles, my heart and my soul; I also saw the best friend that I bet was dead and the memories of the twelve years I spent with him by my side came by… Then you left and I couldn’t help but cry. I was crashing. I was desperate. I felt I needed you back in my life… I was wrong. I made two years without you slowly rebuilding myself from the mess you left. I fall asleep with tears on my face crying over you, I woke up numb, I didn’t know if it was from all the pills I took to sleep through the night, but I was numb.
Now, I see the wind moving the leaves of the trees, I see the wind drying up the rain drops off my window. I feel the wind, I feel myself. The day is cloudy. I am going to sip my coffee, sit with my loneliness, take a breath, face my pain for as long as I have to, light up a cigarette, suck it up and continue rebuilding myself. I will not stop until I finish, and when I finish I’m going for more. I dare you to come back two years from now. I dare you, cause the devil will be scared to see me face to face.
Your unfinished business
Nacida en Puerto Rico, pero soy ciudadana del Mundo. Escribo para vaciar el ruido de mi mente y me llena el corazón que alguien le toque de alguna forma lo que escribo. Pues de nada me sirve escribir si lo que escribo no conmueve un alma. No escribo muchas paradojas porque yo soy la paradoja en sí. Soy un poco controversial en mi manera de expresarme, pero escribo y me expreso de una forma transparente, desde lo más sincero de mis adentros.