3:00AM insomnia writing

If someone asked me if I self harmed anymore I would say ”no”. But I’m not as careful when I cut some lettuce or meat in the kitchen, and I don’t look when crossing the road, I never put my seat belt on, and I don’t sleep and I don’t care if I eat or not, and it’s not that I wanna die, its that sometimes I wish I was never born at all. I haven’t stopped hating me, even when I have learned to love myself more than yesterday, I still hate a few things about myself. By using self harm as my escape you could notice I was screwed. But you can’t see it now, so it could be even more bad, cause you don’t know what’s wrong inside of me, cause I don’t show it up, and sometimes I can feel my veins and my body literally craving to open the wounds again. To not feel suffocated so I could bleed out what was hurting me, I can breathe. But I’m strong enough that I choose to suffer what’s killing me inside than to do the same wrong coping mechanism from my yesterday. I suffer in silence cause I don’t want to add more pain or drain my loved ones. I cry with without tears that get stuck inside of me drowning and choking me…
But right know I’m crying while I’m writing this. And this is why I write, to bleed out and heal the open wounds that I feel inside.

Sin categoría

Gabriela Christina Díaz View All →

Nacida en Puerto Rico, pero soy ciudadana del Mundo. Escribo para vaciar el ruido de mi mente y me llena el corazón que alguien le toque de alguna forma lo que escribo. Pues de nada me sirve escribir si lo que escribo no conmueve un alma. No escribo muchas paradojas porque yo soy la paradoja en sí. Soy un poco controversial en mi manera de expresarme, pero escribo y me expreso de una forma transparente, desde lo más sincero de mis adentros.

1 Comment Leave a comment

  1. I understand the not wanting to add additional pain to loved ones, but this is so so important! The hardest but most important step for your healing – communication, so you can get that support network you need. I’m really proud that despite everything your experiencing you haven’t relapsed. That is living proof of what an amazing, strong person you are! Keep going one day at a time and you’ll get through it. Please don’t ever consider yourself a burden. This thinking is so self destructive. I’m here for a chat if you need xxx

    Like

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